Pregnancy Help Counceling for Beginners 孕妇救助咨询初级指南
孕妇救助咨询初级指南
圣经咨询：圣经咨询的意思是“惟用爱心说诚实话”（弗4:15），并靠着神和神的荣耀凭着信心去做（林前10:31），主必使用你去帮助别人看明主的旨意和他的供应。
有些人在咨询方面确有特殊天赋和训练，但只要你做到以下几点，同样能做咨询：
劝说能力：“总要趁着还有今日，天天彼此相劝，免得你们中间，有人被罪迷惑，心里就刚硬了。”（来3:13）
辨别能力：“体贴肉体的，就是死，体贴圣灵的，乃是生命，平安。”（罗8:6）
有怜悯心：“与喜乐的人要同乐。与哀哭的人要同哭。”（罗12:15）
信靠：“若有服事人的，要按着神所赐的力量服事。叫神在凡事上因耶稣基督得荣耀。”（彼前4:11）
盼望：“耶和华喜爱敬畏他和盼望他慈爱的人。”（诗147:11）
孕妇救助咨询：孕妇救助咨询是一种特殊方式的咨询，属危机咨询的一种。人处于危机之中时，会感到难以控制自己的生活。在困境中，他们可能经受不住压力，有绝望和破坏性行动，试图就此一劳永逸的摆脱恐惧和痛苦。
她是谁？意外怀孕如此可怕，以至当事女性觉得必须堕胎，才能拯救自己的生活。尽管这并非正确，但在她看来这是正确的。怀孕并不是病患或残疾。但是，有了孩子的确会让事情发生变化。考虑堕胎的女性，她们堕胎通常是为了挽回或维持自己原来已经计划好的生活。生孩子会威胁到她的学业或职业生涯，使她感到羞愧和尴尬，可能会减少收入，可能意味着激怒她的男友、丈夫或父母，会产生许多挑战性问题——而堕胎可以免去这些烦恼。这些外部压力和内心恐惧，使她很难头脑清醒，根据准确信息和自己的价值观，做出正确决定。
你是谁？你是神的使者，神派你去接触她，帮助她克服所有这些恐惧、压力和诱惑。神就是爱、是真理，神是个人的。你的目标就是与她沟通，让她知道你关心她，让她认识到你的真实信息值得去考虑。不管她有多少恐惧和难处，你都准备好指导她获得帮助和支持，坚强地生活下去。
咨询过程
你对每个孕妇或夫妇的咨询，可分三个阶段：
第一阶段，你要花时间去了解她的情况和相关信息，像真心要帮助她的朋友一样，与她建立感情上的沟通。
第二阶段，你要开始掌控交谈。你要纠正她表达出的错误观念或误解。你要向她提供那些她不了解的怀孕相关信息。你还要告诉她堕胎的风险及其后果。
在最后阶段，你要引导她，鼓励她。记住，危机中的人会有种失控感，而且特别感谢那些愿意设身处地为他们着想的人。你要鼓励她采取下一步具体措施，你要给她解释这么做的重要性，然后帮助她实施。
电话咨询指南：
保持冷静。她很害怕。但你一定不要害怕。她正处于危机之中。你必须自信地把道理讲清楚。她没有信心，你必须对上帝有信心。相信上帝要借你的口向她说话。不要乞求或责备她。相反，要用爱心说诚实话。
1．给她保证和希望。告诉她，她的电话打对了地方，你会尽你所能来帮助她。告诉她你的名字，询问她的名字，记得说话时要带上她的名字。可以这样说，“我知道你现在很害怕。我的名字是_____，我会在这里尽我所能来帮助你。首先，让我问你几个问题。你叫什么名字？”
2．倾听和理解。实际上，这意味着开始时你要问很多问题。仔细听她说了些什么（还有没说出来的），耐心去了解她的个人情况。你要表现得完全理解她的情况，这会立即降低她的焦虑和恐惧。当你认真聆听、理解，你才能发现如何最有效地把话说到她的心坎上。经验丰富的电话咨询员在开始时一般会问些客观的、没有威胁性的医疗方面的问题：
问：你是怎么知道你怀孕了？你用妊娠纸做过检测了吗？
向她提供一个免费的孕检机会。如果她同意，安排好见面的地点和时间（越早越好）。保证为她的信息保密，然后询问她的电话号码。让她明白，你们会面的时候，你会给她提供与她健康和安全直接相关的重要信息，并且会重新考虑她的选择。到此你可以结束通话，告诉她，你期待看到她。鼓励她赴约或回电。
问：你觉得你已经怀孕多久了？最后一次例假是哪一天？
问：你怎么知道你的妊娠是正常的？就是那种能够正常发展的妊娠。你有没有流产迹象呢？
这些问题能够缓和她的情绪。如果她没有怀孕，或者她有流产可能，那么她并不需要堕胎，这就开辟了新的可能性，并让她感到与咨询员的会面是有作用的，她能获得更多信息。她可能开始想，“也许我并不需要进行人工堕胎。”如果你与医生有合作关系，就可以为她提供超声波检查，这样她就有更好的理由来医生的办公室与你会面。超声波检查可以显示她是正常怀孕或是有流产迹象。即使你不能提供超声波检查，这些问题可以帮助她看到，她应该进行医疗检查。
3.确认她的价值观
问：现在你对怀孕有哪些担心？
问：你是怎样理解堕胎的？堕胎是什么？
这些问题帮助你了解她的动机。同时，这些问题也让她表现出了自己的价值取向。
例1：问，“什么是堕胎？”大多数女性会表达她们对堕胎这个字眼的不适感和矛盾的道德情感。她可能会说，“这是杀人的东西。”你要随后追问，直到她说出自己所想。 “它杀的是谁？”，“堕胎是杀害一个婴儿”，然后继续询问她的价值观。 “你对堕胎怎么想？”她可能会说，“我知道这是错误的”。这时你可以总结一下：“换句话说，尽管你的处境很糟糕，可你仍然明白堕胎其实就是杀死你自己未出世的孩子，而杀死自己的孩子是错误的。”然后转到第4步。
例2：问：“在你出现这种情况之前，你对堕胎是怎么看的？”她可能会说，“我不喜欢这种行为”或“我认为这是不对的”或“我觉得可以接受 ，但我可不想堕胎。”跟进，直到她说出自己的真实想法。“你为什么不愿堕胎，或是为什么要避免堕胎”，讨论只能得出一种结论，那就是：堕胎其实就是杀死未出生的孩子。一旦她表示出这层意思，转到第4步。
例3：“说说你的价值观吧。你相信真理还是相信谬误？你相信上帝吗？大多数人会说相信。如果她相信上帝，问她是否相信是上帝创造了她的孩子，并希望宝宝活着出世？你这样做是在帮助她重拾和表达自己的信仰。
4．建议她顺从良知和价值观的召唤，鼓励她以此去克服那些想法。
问：“你以前堕过胎吗？能告诉我吗？”
如果她回答“是”，问“堕胎有没有任何并发症？它是否导致你情绪上出现一些问题？”
如果她的回答是“没有”，问：“你是否知道堕胎会给你的身体带来哪些危害？”并向她解释。
5．教育她。告诉她那些关于胎儿发育，堕胎风险和堕胎手术过程的信息。
问：“你了解胎儿发育吗？”
问：“你知道堕胎手术是怎么进行的吗？”
6.为她提供别的替代方案。除了堕胎，她还可以选择自己抚养孩子或让别人收养。你帮她关上选择堕胎的门时，也要帮她打开抚养孩子或过继给别人的大门。告诉她这样做的难处以及解决办法。
7．帮她重新规划自己的未来。人们选择堕胎，大多出于绝望。他们觉得自己不可能也没有能力要孩子并把孩子抚养成人。然而，如果孩子已经两岁大，他们却绝不会去杀死孩子来解决同样的问题。是的，他们会想想看是不是还有其他选项。让她看到，她怀孕的问题还有另一种解决方案，而你会帮她找到这个方案。让她看到，即使情况如此艰难，她甚至无力养活自己的孩子，你仍然会帮助她为她的孩子提供一个充满爱的家庭，让她和孩子都可以很好地活下去。
8．帮助她采取下一步行动。提出和她见面的要求，并为她提供免费怀孕测试。提出和她去一起去做超声波检查。告诉她你会和婴儿的父亲谈话，告诉他堕胎是什么，为什么你们要寻找其他选择。向她提供抚养孩子的物质资源和支持，或是收养机构的信息。
9．把她引向上帝。堕胎也是精神上的问题。通常情况下，在怀孕的数周内，妇女和夫妇都会感动地大声呼唤向上帝祈祷。把这些信息告诉他们。在适当的时候，和她一起祷告。读给她听那些信靠上帝的人得到的应许，让她看到上帝如何启示我们去信靠他，并供给我们日用所需：“我们日用的饮食，今日赐给我们”。向她解释，基督是上帝对我们所有需求的供给。上帝给我们十字架的救恩，还有什么别的需要他不能提供呢？
“所以我告诉你们：不要为生命忧虑吃甚么，喝甚么；为身体忧虑穿甚么。生命不胜于饮食吗？身体不胜于衣裳吗？你们看那天上的飞鸟，也不种，也不收，也不积蓄在仓里，你们的天父尚且养活它。你们不比飞鸟贵重得多吗？你们哪一个能用思虑使寿数多加一刻呢？何必为衣裳忧虑呢？你想，野地里的百合花怎么长起来。它也不劳苦，也不纺线。然而我告诉你们：就是所罗门极荣华的时候，他所穿戴的还不如这花一朵呢！你们这小信的人哪！野地里的草今天还在，明天就丢在炉里， 神还给它这样的妆饰，何况你们呢！所以，不要忧虑说，‘吃甚么？喝甚么？穿甚么？’这都是外邦人所求的。你们需用的这一切东西，你们的天父是知道的。你们要先求他的国和他的义，这些东西都要加给你们了。”（太6:25-33）
“因为我们作仇敌的时候；且借着神儿子的死；得与神和好；既已和好；就更要因他的生得救了。”（罗5:10）
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Pregnancy Help Counseling For Beginners
孕妇救助咨询初级指南
Biblical Counseling: Biblical counseling means “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and doing it with faith toward God and his glory, (1 Corinthians 10:31) so that he will use you to help others discover God’s will and to find God’s provision.
Though some people are gifted and trained in counseling, you can counsel if you:
Speak: “Exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13
Discern: “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6
Sympathize: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
Depend: “Whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 4:11
Hope: “The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.” Psalm 147:11
Pregnancy Help Counseling: Pregnancy Help Counseling is a specialized form of counseling. It is a form of crisis counseling. When people are in crisis, they feel that their life is spinning out of control. They are tempted into desperate and destructive action in order to end the fear and pain caused by their difficult circumstances.
Who is she? An unplanned pregnancy can be so frightening and overwhelming that a mother feels she must have an abortion to save her own life. This is not true, but it feels true to her. Pregnancy is not a disease or a disability. But having a baby does change things. The woman considering abortion is usually doing so in order to save or preserve her life as she has planned it. Having a baby threatens her school or career plans. Having a baby exposes her to shame and embarrassment. Having a baby threatens her income. Having a baby can mean angering her boyfriend, husband, or parents. Having a baby can create many challenging problems that abortion can wipe away. As a result of these combined outside pressures and internal fears, she is not thinking clearly or making good decisions based on accurate information or her own internal values.
Who are you? You are the person God has sent to reach out and help her in the midst of all these fears, pressures, and temptations. God is love. God is truth. God is personal. Your goal is to communicate that you personally care about her and that you have truthful information that she needs to consider. In spite of her fears and difficult circumstances, you are ready to direct her toward life-affirming help and support.
The Counseling Experience
Your time with each mother or couple will have three general phases to it:
In the first phase, you will spend time understanding her situation, gathering information, and connecting with her emotionally as a friend and as someone committed to helping her.
In the second phase, you begin to take control of the conversation. You will correct false ideas or misunderstandings that she has expressed. You will provide pregnancy related information that she is missing. You will educate her about the risks and consequences of her actions.
In the final phase, you will be directing her and encouraging her. Remember, people in crisis feel out of control and appreciate someone asserting themselves into their situation. You will encourage her to take specific next steps. You will explain why this is important to her and then you will help her take those next steps.
Telephone Counseling Guidelines:
Stay calm. She is afraid. You must not be. She is in crisis. You must speak clearly and confidently. She has no faith. You must have faith in God. Trust that God wants to speak to her through you. Don’t beg or scold her. Rather, speak the truth in love.
1. Assure her and give her hope. Tell her that she called the right place and that you will do everything you can to help her. Tell her your name. Ask for her name and then use it. Say something like, “I know you are scared. My name is _____. I am here to help you as much as I can. Let me begin by asking you a few questions. What is your name?”
2. Listen and learn. Practically, this means that you need to ask a lot of questions early on. Listen carefully to what she says (and does not say). Take time to understand her personal situation. Make sure you show her that you understand. This will immediately lower her anxiety and fear. As you listen and learn, you will see how best to speak into her life. Experienced phone counselors start with objective, non-threatening medical questions:
ASK: How do you know that you are pregnant? Have you taken a laboratory quality pregnancy test?
Offer to provide one free of charge. If she agrees, arrange a place to meet and suggest a time (the sooner the better). Promise her confidentiality and then get her phone number. Explain that when you meet, you will provide her vital information for her health and safety, and that you will review her options. You may end the phone call there, and tell her that you look forward to seeing her. Encourage her to keep the appointment or call back.
ASK: How far along do you think you are? What is the first day (date) of your LMP?
ASK: How do you know that you have a viable pregnancy—one that is capable of developing under normal conditions, and that you not going to have a miscarriage?
These questions will slow her down. She does not need an abortion if she is not pregnant or if she is going to have a miscarriage. This opens up new possibilities and helps her see the value of meeting with a pregnancy help counselor and getting more information. She may begin to think, “Maybe I don’t need an abortion.” If you have a partnership with a doctor who can provide an ultrasound, she has a good reason to come see you at the doctor’s office. The ultrasound can show if she has a viable pregnancy or is going to miscarry. Even if you cannot provide an ultrasound, these questions help her see that she has a medical condition that needs to be treated as a medical condition.
3. Identify her own values.
ASK: What fears to you have about being pregnant right now?
ASK: What is your understanding of abortion? What is it?
These questions help you understand her motives. But they also help her express her own values.
Example 1: Ask, “What is abortion?” Most women will express their own discomfort with abortion and their moral ambivalence. She may say, “It’s killing something.” Then follow up until she says what she means. “It’s killing what?” “Abortion is killing a baby.” Then ask about her own values. “How do you feel about that?” She may say, “I know it is wrong.” Then summarize: “In others words, in spite of the terrible situation you are in, you understand that abortion is killing your unborn child and you know it is wrong to kill your own children.” Then move to step 4.
Example 2: Ask, “Before you were in this difficult circumstance, how did you feel about abortion?” She may say, “I didn’t like it” or “I thought it was wrong” or “I’m ok with it, but I never wanted one.” Follow up until she says openly what she means. “What is it about abortion that you do not like or wanted to avoid?” The answer goes back to only one thing: abortion kills an unborn child. Once she expresses that, go to step 4.
Example 3: “Tell me about your values. Do you believe in right and wrong? Do you believe in God?” Most will say yes. If she believes in God, ask her if she believes God created her baby and wants the baby to live? You are helping her identify and express her own heart-values.
4. Advise her to follow her heart and her values. Encourage her to use her values to overcome them.
ASK: “Have you had an abortion before? Tell me about it?”
If she answers “yes,” ASK “Were there any complications? Did it lead to emotional problems?”
If her answer is “no,” ASK “Are you aware of the health risks common to abortion?” Explain.
5. Educate her. Provide information about fetal development, abortion risks, abortion procedures.
ASK: “What do you understand about fetal development?”
ASK: “Do you understand abortion procedures?”
6. Open up her other options. Instead of abortion, she could choose parenting or adoption. As you help her close the door to abortion, help her open the door to parenting or adoption. Examine the reasons why this would be hard and then point to solutions.
7. Help her recapture a vision for her future. People resort to abortion out of desperation. They see no way that they can have the baby and provide for it. Yet they would not kill their own two year old just to solve their problems. No, they would look at all other options. Help her to see that there is another solution for her unborn child and that you will help her find it. Help her see that, even if things are so difficult that she cannot raise the child herself, you will help her provide a loving home for her child so that she can live and her baby can live.
8. Offer to help her take the next step. Offer to meet with her (or a partner in the pregnancy help ministry) and provide her a pregnancy test. Offer to go with her to get an ultrasound. Offer to speak to the father of the baby and show him what abortion is and why you want to look at other options. Offer to help her find resources and support for parenting or adopting.
9. Point her to God. Abortion is a spiritual issue. Often, women and couples have been crying out to God for weeks over the pregnancy. Talk to them about this. When appropriate, pray with her. Read to her some of the promises of God to those who will put their hope in him. Show her how God wants us to look to him to provide: “Give us this day our daily bread.” Explain that Christ is God’s provision for all our needs. And if God provided the cross for us, he can supply everything else we need.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:25-33)
“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.” (Romans 5:10)
